I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it...Nike. - Michael Scott(Season 1 , Hot Girl)
Abraham Lincoln once said that 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North, and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace - Michael Scott(Season 1 , Diversity Day)
In the wild, there is no healthcare In the wild healthcare is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg I can't run A lion eats me, and I'm dead' Well, I'm not dead I'm the lion You're dead - Dwight Schrute(Season 1 , Health Care)
Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy Both I want people to be afraid of how much they love me - Michael Scott(Season 2 , The Fight)
I feel God in this Chili's tonight - Pam Beesly(Season 2 , The Dundies)
Every so often, Jim dies of boredom - Pam Beesly (Season 2 , Office Olympics)
The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear The first person to shout 'shotgun' when you're within sight of the car gets the front seat That's how the game's played There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion - Michael Scott(Season 2 , The Injury)
I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl, so I'm wise and have worms - Michael Scott(Season 2 , Office Olympics)
Why are you the way that you are? - Michael Scott(Season 2 , Casino Night)
There are always a million reasons not to do something - Jan Levinson(Season 2 , Boys and Girls)
The worst thing about prison was the dementors - Michael Prison Mike Scott(Season 3 , The Convict)
I am fast To give you a reference point I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose And a panther - Dwight Schrute(Season 3 , The Merger)
Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing - Dwight Schrute(Season 3 , Business School)
Bros before hos Why? Because your bros are always there for you They have got your back after your ho rips out your heart for no good reason And you are nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you, and that she was better than all the other hos in the world And then, suddenly, she's not your ho no mo - Michael Scott(Season 3 , A Benihana Christmas)
Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship - Andy Bernard(Season 3 , The Return)
Dwight, you ignorant slut! - Michael Scott(Season 3 , Safety Training)
I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious - Michael Scott(Season 4 , Fun Run)
I am running away from my responsibilities And it feels good - Michael Scott(Season 4 , Money)
That is sort of an oaky afterbirth - Michael Scott(Season 4 , Dinner Party)
You are as creepy as a real serial killer For real - Michael Scott(Season 4 , Survivor Man)
The eyes are the groin of the face - Dwight Schrute(Season 4 , Branch Wars)
Did I stutter? - Stanley Hudson(Season 4 , Did I Stutter)
I don't care what they say about me, I just wanna eat Which I realize is a lot to ask for At a dinner party - Pam Beesly(Season 4 , Dinner Party)
Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me. - Michael Scott(Season 4 , Fun Run)
I work hard all day I like knowing that there's going to be a break Most days I just sit and wait for the break - Kevin Malone(Season 4 , Survivor Man)
I have a lot of questions Number one, how dare you? - Kelly Kapoor(Season 4 , Night Out)
It's like I used to tell my wife I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong And if you don't like it you can leave And I say the same thing to my current wife and I'll say it to my next one, too - Stanley Hudson(Season 4 , Did I Stutter)
Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not I like to be liked I enjoy being liked I have to be liked But it's not like a compulsive need to be liked Like my need to be praised - Michael Scott(Season 4 , Fun Run)
Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going I just hope I find it along the way - Michael Scott(Season 5 , The Duel)
And I knew exactly what to do But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do - Michael Scott(Season 5 , Stress Relief: Part 1)
As it turns out, you can't just check someone into rehab against their will. They have to do it voluntarily. They have to hit rock bottom. So I think I know what I need to do at this point. I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom. Um. I think I can do it. - Michael Scott(Season 5 , Moroccan Christmas)
They always say that it's a mistake to hire your friends And they are right So, I hired my best friends And this is what I get!? - Michael Scott(Season 5 , The Michael Scott Paper Company)
You all took a life here today You did The life of the party - Michael Scott(Season 5 , Cafe Disco)
Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor And, Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight Now, this baby will be related to Michael through[draws a question mark] delusion - Jim Halpert(Season 5 , Baby Shower)
This is a dream that I've hadsince lunchand I'm not giving it up now - Michael Scott(Season 5 , The Michael Scott Paper Company)
Oh my God it's happening! Everybody stay calm Stay f*cking calm! - Michael Scott(Season 5 , Stress Relief: Part 1)
Meredith, you lit your hair on fire today What about tomorrow? What is going to happen when you come into work and you're dead? - Michael Scott(Season 5 , Moroccan Christmas)
Nobody should have to go to work thinking, 'Oh this is the place that I might die today' That's what a hospital is for An office is for not dying An office is a place to live life to the fullest To the max An office is a place where dreams come true - Michael Scott(Season 5 , Stress Relief: Part 1)
My, philosophy is, basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or, or where you've been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever. - Michael Scott(Season 5 , The Duel)
'R' is among the most menacing of sounds That's why they call it 'murder' and not 'mukduk' - Dwight Schrute(Season 6 , Mafia)
I'm not a millionaire I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn't even close Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40 I had less money than I did when I was 30 - Michael Scott(Season 6 , Scott's Tots)
Jim is my enemy But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim, is actually my friend But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy so actually Jim is my enemy - Dwight Schrute(Season 6 , Koi Pond)
I am Beyoncé, always. - Michael Scott(Season 6 , The Chump)
I'm not usually the butt of the joke I'm usually the face of the joke - Michael Scott(Season 6 , Koi Pond)
Hey Mister Scott, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do? Make our dreams come true! Hey Mister Scott, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do? Make our dreams come true! - Students(Season 6 , Scott's Tots)
Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend And I had to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do, which was just to wait For a really long time that's all I had I just had little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl who I worked with, but I think even then I knew that I was waiting for my wife - Jim Halpert(Season 6 , Niagara: Part 1)
I fell in love with these kids. And I didn't want to see them fall victim to the system. So I made 'em a promise. I told them if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I have made some empty promises in my life, but hands-down, that was the most generous. - Michael Scott(Season 6 , Scott's Tots)
If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice - Michael Scott(Season 6 , The Chump)
In the Schrute family, the youngest child raises the others I've been raising children since I was a baby - Dwight Schrute(Season 7 , Viewing Party)
Joke's on you Goldenface, that man was a wanted animal rapist - Michael Scarn(Season 7 , Threat Level Midnight)
I used to be obese. Once you've conquered obesity, everything else is easy. Life literally moves in slow motion. I'm not saying I'm Superman, but let me just put it this way. If I were shot in the head, I'm pretty sure everything would be fine. I'd almost welcome it. - Deangelo Vickers(Season 7 , Goodbye Michael)
Saw Inception Or at least I dreamt I did… - Michael Scott(Season 7 , Nepotism)
In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all It's fear Merry Christmas - Dwight Schrute(Season 7 , Classy Christmas)
Hey Goldenface! Go puck yourself! - Michael Scarn(Season 7 , Threat Level Midnight)
Ultimatums are key Basically nobody does anything for me unless I threaten to kill myself - Kelly Kapoor(Season 7 , Classy Christmas)
Whether you're scared of dying, or dying alone, or dying drunk in a ditch, don't be It's going to be OK - Michael Scott(Season 7 , Goodbye Michael)
Who is Justice Beaver? - Dwight Schrute(Season 7 , Todd Packer)
There's something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional - Robert California(Season 8 , The Incentive)
My heart belongs to music But my ass belongs to these people - Andy Bernard(Season 8 , The Incentive)
I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days, before you've actually left them - Andy Bernard(Season 9 , Finale)
I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other It's every parent's dream - Michael Scott(Season 9 , Finale)
There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things Isn't that kind of the point? - Pam Beesly(Season 9 , Finale)
People underestimate the power of nostalgia Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses, second only to the neck - Dwight Schrute(Season 9 , The Farm)
Everything I have I owe to this job.. This stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job. - Jim Halpert(Season 9 , Finale)